A Casserole of Emotion

Turkey Day
This is the first Thanksgiving I will have without my family.  Thank God I have a husband to share it with, and for that I am excited.  It’s a bittersweet time for me, really, and I have not succeeded in sorting out my feelings.  I think I am most sorrowful for my parents, though, because both my brother and I will not be with them this year.  Perhaps they will find comfort in knowing that this time next year, they will not only have us, but also their new son- & daughter-in-law, as well as a grandbaby.  I’m expecting that the reality of the situation won’t hit me until Thanksgiving morning when I wake up to the absence of the annual yummy smells wafting from the kitchen, and the silence of the television which will not be showing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  At the same time, I think it will be good for me to have this experience, because I feel like it will expand my boundaries in the area of tradition.  Instead of our own family, Gabriel and I will be feasting with a family he has known for quite a while.  I generally don’t enjoy being enveloped by holiday traditions of people I am mostly unfamiliar with, but I am already mentally preparing myself for it so I can enjoy it with grace.  Being with Gabriel makes me feel more comfortable anyway.  I’m so glad to begin celebrating holidays together, beginning our own family.  I’ve been very much hoping to be able to watch the Plaza Lighting ceremony since this is probably our last Thanksgiving in KC, but knowing that Gabriel is very opposed to it, I will have to work it out.

Preggo Update
I’m now past the 10 week mark, but still have not seen a doctor.  There have been some complications with trying to get my paystubs, due to the new online system, which has prevented me from seeing what option is best.  I’m frustrated by this, but it’s somewhat beyond my control.  At this rate, I’ll be nearly into my second trimester before I even get blood work done.  I’m doing my best to do what I think is best for my body and my baby, based on the things that I’ve read.  But I still have questions.  Yesterday I got worried because I was experiencing some pretty strong cramping.  It lasted only a few minutes, so I’m trying to not to be anxious, but it would help if I had an expert on my side to reassure me that everything is fine.

My nausea continues to stay almost manageable, but I’m still experiencing other flu-like symptoms throughout the day and night that are understandably draining.  I feel sorry for Gabriel because I’m afraid it seems to him that I’ve become nothing but a lazy couch potato when I’m not at work.  But I really do feel completely drained of energy most of the time, intimidated by the thought of running errands or being active.  At least my cleaning skills seem to be slowly returning, apart from the kitchen (which is its own beast).  Gabriel is very gracious and servant-hearted, for which I am extremely grateful, and helps tremendously with cooking and the dishes.  In fact, he has almost entirely taken on the role of cook and dishwasher, and has never complained.  He is wonderful.  I am blessed by the best husband I could ever have asked for.

Rekindled dreams
This may sound random, but it has really been on my heart for the last few days.  I have a strong desire to adopt children.  You might say I’m feeling this right now because of all the maternal hormones overpowering my system, but the desire was there before I ever got pregnant.  The passion has been rekindled by the stories of the amazing families I know that are demonstrating the Father’s love through adoption.  I’ve been reading their stories with tears and thanksgiving, longing to participate in this great Strategy. Most recently I’ve been touched by stories of both Loux families (whose heart for adoption is the greatest I’ve ever seen, demonstrated through their numerous adopted children), Tom & Donna Cole (who are raising money to adopt 2 babies from the Marshall Islands), and the Phillips family (I just read their journey to adopt their daughter from China).  I think this desire of mine stems partly from my burden/love for other nations, and I feel that to welcome a child into my heart would also more permanently knit my life together with the nation he or she was born in.  This is in addition to the overwhelming love of God toward those of us in His family, which I would love to overflow into the lives of the fatherless.  This is the true gospel.

That’s all for now.

Here’s my 10 week pooch:

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3 Comments

  1. tracieloux said,

    November 25, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    Well hello there! Happy Thanksgiving.

    • Brianna said,

      November 25, 2009 at 11:27 pm

      Hi!!
      FYI, in case you didn’t notice in my blog, your family is an inspiration to me. =)

  2. Erin Fielding said,

    November 26, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Hi!!! I love your blog, too! Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you are able to find some sense of home even though you’re with another family that’s not your own. I think that’s the hard part of being married, and especially being pregnant. You are your own family now, but it’s the delicate balance between “your” family and your extended family that will always be a comfort and support to you. Maybe it gets a little easier once the baby is born because you really feel like a family.

    I know – I really do love hosting people. I think it might be a spiritual gift (hospitality? is that a spiritual gift? haha) and I’ve never let our house stop us, but it definitely gets tight and in our current condo our kitchen is tiny and so when there’s lots of people in the kitchen it gets awkward. But i know i can take anything just for a few days. after that, my spiritual gift of hospitality gets a little weak.

    i’m 22 weeks along. I love reading your blog because it’s like reading a journal of all the stuff that I experienced my first trimester. We didn’t tell people about our pregnancy until later, so I kind of regret that I couldn’t share my preggo experiences. And sometimes it bothers me, or seems trite when people say this to me, but it does pass and it does get better!!! I remember being so constantly nauseated my first trimester that I would cry because I thought i would never want to eat food again. And I was sooooooooo tired that sometimes at work I would literally need to leave the room and lay down and close my eyes. And forget doing anything when I came home from work — I was a blob. I just had to lay down and do nothing. For me, the turning point was around 12 weeks maybe? Now I feel really normal except that my back hurts some and it’s harder to bend over and I’ve had occasional heartburn and headaches. I’m just trying to enjoy it before I get too big. I’m so excited for you. I enjoy reading all about it!


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