All About Preggers (and holidays)

January 6, 2010 at 3:16 pm (Uncategorized)
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After using a bella band for a couple weeks, I finally broke down and bought maternity pants last week, right before my 16 week mark.  I got some pretty sweet deals.  I even bought a couple cute blouses, but honestly, I hated the way I looked the day I wore one of them.  I feel much cuter in my normal clothes stretched over my swelling waistline.  Someone asked in surprise, “You’re already wearing maternity??” Well, yes, I am.  The bella band is awesome, but I can’t even zip my pants anymore and my trusty size 4 jeans are just painful now.  My new pants, however, yielded the most liberating feeling I’ve ever experienced from a wardrobe item… I could finally breathe again!  I’m “showing” more at the end of the day as my abs get tired and especially after constantly bending over at work.  I wonder if massage therapists have the biggest pregnant bellies.  I have to admit, it’s getting really annoying when people say “Wow you’re really showing early!”  Especially moms.  Well, I have news for you, my pelvis is narrow and my torso is short, and I’ve always been pretty slim.  This kid has nowhere to go but out in front, so you can stuff it.  It seems like the only moms that have understood are those that are even more narrow-waisted than I. *sigh* Okay, sorry.  I’m 4 months and ready for people stop commenting about the fact that I’m looking potbellied.  I dare you to poke it.  It’s firm, not fatty.

Next week will be an exciting week for me.  I will have my first prenatal appointment!  Yes, I’ll be 17 weeks, which is considered late for a first appointment.  But again, all those stuffy well-wisher advice-givers can get over it.  That was the first available.  I’ll get to meet my 2 midwives in person and proudly explain how well I’ve taken care of myself.  Some of you have asked how I already know the gender without having gone to a prenatal appointment.  One word: connections. *wink*  Let’s just say I know the right people.  And actually, seeing on screen how healthy that boy is has really eased my worries associated with a delayed appointment.  Anyway… 2 days after my appointment, Gabriel and I will start our pregnancy class!  I’m pretty excited about this.  And the third thing that happens next week, which is the best part of all, is the one year anniversary of when Gabriel and I officially started dating!  I think we both knew right from the start that we would someday get married, but I don’t know that either of us imagined that we’d be so blessed in the coming year.  I know I never in my dreams thought I would be 4 months pregnant on the one year anniversary of beginning this beautiful, God-ordained relationship.  I love my best friend.

I haven’t written since before Christmas, so let me just fill you in on a few events.  Our first Christmas together was the best one I’ve ever had.  Knowing that it would probably be the only Christmas we’d ever have with it being just the two of us, I soaked it in as best as I could.  It was a very white Christmas, blizzardly in fact.  But it was so beautiful.  We sat together by the tree and I watched the snow falling outside while Gabriel read aloud about the birth of Jesus.  Opening presents was a lot of fun.  Then Gabe cooked an amazing breakfast and our friend Cory came over to eat with us.  Cory, being an experienced driver during snow storms, drove the 3 of us to the park, where the boys played a couple hours of disc golf in a foot of snow and 30 mph winds.  Crazy? Yeah maybe.  But it was awesome.  The rest of the day was gloriously lazy as we watched Milo & Otis and took an afternoon nap.

My parents came a couple days later, which I was really excited about, and spent the day with us on Sunday.  After church, we ate at Aladdin’s and later had dinner at Jazz Louisiana Restaurant (live music).  The OneThing conference was also that week, but I only made it for 2 of the days because of work.  There were 20,000 people there.  On New Year’s Day, Gabe and I spent the day watching football with my parents and finished off the day with dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant on Main Street.

As you may have noticed, I started a “Recipes” page.  It will be slow in coming because I haven’t been cooking/baking a lot lately, but I still wanted to have a place to share the recipes I’ve discovered or created.  Feel free to check it out!

This picture was taken last week.

12/29/09 = 15weeks

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A Baby Blue Christmas

December 24, 2009 at 7:35 pm (Uncategorized)
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It’s Christmas Eve and I just had to get out of the apartment, knowing that I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow and we’re about to get snowed in. The streets were already slick when I left, so my visit to the coffee shop needs to be brief.

There are many things on my mind, and many events to report, so I’ll just start writing and see what happens.

First, the good news:

We’re having a BOY!

Not that it’s a surprise, seeing as how everyone has suggested it was a boy (particularly Gabriel). So I’ll set aside my creative girl names and take a deep breath as Papa Bear intensifies the search for the perfect name for his first-born son.

We weren’t expecting to find out the gender so soon, but it was quite obvious. When we were in Alabama last weekend for Daniel’s wedding, Poppa called and said we could come in for an ultrasound at the hospital. This was a great idea because then Gabriel and both my parents could get a glimpse of our June Bug. It was magical. He popped up on the screen instantly and was wriggling, kicking, punching, swallowing, and dancing all over my belly. So perfect. Seeing his fingers and toes, his perfect spine and little face, I felt a peace inside me that silenced all my anxiety. There was my son, my perfect baby boy, not quite the length of my hand, showing off his jazzy dance skills. It’s a sight I will never forget, alongside the way my heart jumped when the tech said “It’s a boy!” My husband and my parents – the ones who know me best – were there beside me.  This Christmas is Baby Blue.

I enjoyed our time in Alabama. Crowds aren’t really my thing nowadays, but I endured it with enjoyment this time. Watching my little brother get married was unusually relieving. I don’t know any other way to describe it. It was like being able to take a deep breath and let it out in a comforting sigh. It was also really great to spend time with my family, specifically my parents and the Finchers, and my grandfather who looked so proud and handsome in his new suit. My great-aunts and uncles were at the wedding too, and they once again brought a big smile to my heart with their stories of being married for 60 and 70 years. Once again, I am reminded that I have a heritage of gold. It’s times like those that I really really miss my grandmother.  She missed both our weddings and the news of our baby by less than a year. I miss her. I really miss her.

Coming home always opens up the floodgates of emotion for me, many different kinds of emotion. So many memories that I’ve run away from, so many that I cherish, a casserole of hurts and comforts.  Each time I return, I’m caught by surprise, whether it be by my most beloved people turning a cold shoulder to me, or rediscovering the beautiful sight of my hometown lit up on a winter night. I walk away both refreshed and drained. It’s hard for me to imagine living there again, unable to run away like I always have in the past. I think I’ll need to go through more inner healing in regards to my hometown memories before I can live there again. But God is merciful.

There are many more things I would like to say, but the snow is falling heavier now and I need to get home.

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Sleepless in Prenatal

December 3, 2009 at 10:48 pm (Uncategorized)
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After requiring 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night for the last 2 months, I seem to have begun an insomnia streak.  I feel pretty miserable today as a result, but also because I drank an ambitious amount of prune juice and quickly regretted it.  Today all my woes joined forces to overwhelm me… including, but not limited to, TMJ, incredibly itchy skin, tension neck/headache, exhaustion, and round ligament pain – a new and somewhat scary feeling for me.  Thank God my nausea isn’t as bad (though my ab cramps are worse), because I think I might just want to die.  Also, I’m so grateful I didn’t have to work today.  The last few days have been a struggle.

Probably the most amusing symptom I’m having is my incredible cry response.  Seriously, every sort of emotional response, whether positive or negative, has been coming out as a sob.  For instance, I was watching a funny youtube video today, and instead of laughing I started to cry.  I watch a movie, I sob throughout.  I open a UPS package, I cry.  I read a book, particularly this line “For those who are pregnant, I kept you especially in mind when I wrote this book”… I fall to pieces.

Let me share a very embarrassing story to illustrate my point even further (please let me stress that I’m not proud of what I’m about to say, but it strengthens my story):  Stuck at home with a cold earlier this week, I was bored out of my mind and with desperation I turned to an online episode of that ridiculous high school show called Glee.  At one point, there was a group kids from a school for the deaf, and they began doing sign language to the song “Imagine”.  The other hearing students started singing and trying to follow along with the hand motions.  I bawled like a baby.  What’s worse, I confessed this experience to Gabriel later and started crying just talking about it.

It’s crazy.  But I guess the good side of it is that most of my crying is almost a cry of relief, if that makes any sense, as if I’m subconsciously thinking “yes, I’m going to be ok” or “I’m so glad that was funny, it almost makes me happy”.  Pregnancy makes you insane, I tell you.  Literally.

Speaking of sobbing, we watched “The Business of Being Born” by recommendation of Debbie Perry.  It was all I could do to try to keep my weeping quiet enough so as not to distract Gabriel or overpower the audio.  It was a beautiful movie.  I’m crying right now just thinking about it.  I strongly advise every expecting parent to watch it.  I felt so much more peace about the labor process, specifically natural birth, than I ever have.  I’m now reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, in addition to the other pregnancy literature I’ve been absorbing.

I’ve passed the 11 week mark and have yet to schedule a prenatal appointment, but hopefully I’ll get my medicaid application in next week.  I was finally able to access my pay stubs through the new system.  I’m also planning on going to a clinic next week that gives free ultrasounds, so that will be totally exciting if it works out.

In holiday news, we got our Christmas tree up, however sparse the decorations, and our Christmas presents have begun arriving in the mail (we’ve done the bulk of our shopping online this year).  My Christmas music playlist has been created, and I’m feeling that I need some new additions.  My seasonal recipes have yet to make their appearance, but I just haven’t been up to it lately.  Still, I’m more excited about this Christmas than I have been in years.  Our Thanksgiving proved to be a smashing success, despite the absence of our extended families, and I have faith that our Christmas will be even more enjoyable.

That’s all I have the energy for now, but I will say one last thing:  Gabriel has to go out of town this weekend for a work trip, so I’ll be spending Saturday evening along after my long work day.  If anyone would like to keep me company or at least send me amusing messages to keep me entertained, please don’t hesitate.

Love.

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A Casserole of Emotion

November 25, 2009 at 4:26 pm (Uncategorized)
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Turkey Day
This is the first Thanksgiving I will have without my family.  Thank God I have a husband to share it with, and for that I am excited.  It’s a bittersweet time for me, really, and I have not succeeded in sorting out my feelings.  I think I am most sorrowful for my parents, though, because both my brother and I will not be with them this year.  Perhaps they will find comfort in knowing that this time next year, they will not only have us, but also their new son- & daughter-in-law, as well as a grandbaby.  I’m expecting that the reality of the situation won’t hit me until Thanksgiving morning when I wake up to the absence of the annual yummy smells wafting from the kitchen, and the silence of the television which will not be showing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  At the same time, I think it will be good for me to have this experience, because I feel like it will expand my boundaries in the area of tradition.  Instead of our own family, Gabriel and I will be feasting with a family he has known for quite a while.  I generally don’t enjoy being enveloped by holiday traditions of people I am mostly unfamiliar with, but I am already mentally preparing myself for it so I can enjoy it with grace.  Being with Gabriel makes me feel more comfortable anyway.  I’m so glad to begin celebrating holidays together, beginning our own family.  I’ve been very much hoping to be able to watch the Plaza Lighting ceremony since this is probably our last Thanksgiving in KC, but knowing that Gabriel is very opposed to it, I will have to work it out.

Preggo Update
I’m now past the 10 week mark, but still have not seen a doctor.  There have been some complications with trying to get my paystubs, due to the new online system, which has prevented me from seeing what option is best.  I’m frustrated by this, but it’s somewhat beyond my control.  At this rate, I’ll be nearly into my second trimester before I even get blood work done.  I’m doing my best to do what I think is best for my body and my baby, based on the things that I’ve read.  But I still have questions.  Yesterday I got worried because I was experiencing some pretty strong cramping.  It lasted only a few minutes, so I’m trying to not to be anxious, but it would help if I had an expert on my side to reassure me that everything is fine.

My nausea continues to stay almost manageable, but I’m still experiencing other flu-like symptoms throughout the day and night that are understandably draining.  I feel sorry for Gabriel because I’m afraid it seems to him that I’ve become nothing but a lazy couch potato when I’m not at work.  But I really do feel completely drained of energy most of the time, intimidated by the thought of running errands or being active.  At least my cleaning skills seem to be slowly returning, apart from the kitchen (which is its own beast).  Gabriel is very gracious and servant-hearted, for which I am extremely grateful, and helps tremendously with cooking and the dishes.  In fact, he has almost entirely taken on the role of cook and dishwasher, and has never complained.  He is wonderful.  I am blessed by the best husband I could ever have asked for.

Rekindled dreams
This may sound random, but it has really been on my heart for the last few days.  I have a strong desire to adopt children.  You might say I’m feeling this right now because of all the maternal hormones overpowering my system, but the desire was there before I ever got pregnant.  The passion has been rekindled by the stories of the amazing families I know that are demonstrating the Father’s love through adoption.  I’ve been reading their stories with tears and thanksgiving, longing to participate in this great Strategy. Most recently I’ve been touched by stories of both Loux families (whose heart for adoption is the greatest I’ve ever seen, demonstrated through their numerous adopted children), Tom & Donna Cole (who are raising money to adopt 2 babies from the Marshall Islands), and the Phillips family (I just read their journey to adopt their daughter from China).  I think this desire of mine stems partly from my burden/love for other nations, and I feel that to welcome a child into my heart would also more permanently knit my life together with the nation he or she was born in.  This is in addition to the overwhelming love of God toward those of us in His family, which I would love to overflow into the lives of the fatherless.  This is the true gospel.

That’s all for now.

Here’s my 10 week pooch:

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